Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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