my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
