If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize