Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
