maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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