Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
