She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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