Your face is a jimmy john
the condom got lost in my hair
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
