and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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