How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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