Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
only if we run a train.
done.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
