I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
