Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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