in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
