At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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