you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So much rum. So many feels.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
