piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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