literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize