Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
