would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
