Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
