this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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