Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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