i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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