She went from zero to smokin in five shots
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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