Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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