And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
