the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
