I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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