so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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