i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is classic penis vs brain.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
