Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
