my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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