it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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