be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
