I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Randomize
