Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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