I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
