This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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