Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
