He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
