If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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