She announced her abortion via fbk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
