just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
