ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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