i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The best revenge is premature balding
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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