My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize