I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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