i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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