i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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