He uses pillows to masturbate.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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