I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
