Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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