Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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