You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
