you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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