In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
