My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
