'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
