I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
