No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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