I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
