Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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